Entertain The Stranger

2010-08-23T08:21:00.001-07:00

"The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple." Psalm 119:130

2010-06-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

Keep Hoping, Saint Francis by Kristene Mueller

There is a love hidden inside your borders
Just waiting to be free, just waiting to be free
There is a hope hidden inside your borders
Just waiting to be realized, just waiting to be realized

So keep hoping Saint Francis
You'll be a free man yet
You'll see the sun shine again over your city streets
Keep hoping Saint Francis
You'll be a free man yet
Though darkness covers your sleeping love, it won't last

Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength
Those who wait upon the Lord will not be put to shame

So we wait
So we wait for the Son to shine
So we wait
So we wait for You to come

dying star...

2010-05-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

I say: God, I wanna part of your army.

I wanna fight for you, God!

God says:

You've got your best man on the front side
You always show your best side
And evil's always on the other side
You say this is your strategy
But son, I hope you take it from me
You look just like your enemy
You're full of pride

We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord
And the greatest idol is you and me,
We better get on the threshing floor
When will we learn that God's strategy
Is giving glory to the Lord?
We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord

Star how beautiful you shine
You shine more beautiful than mine
You shine from sea to shining sea
World-wide is your strategy
But shinning star I hope you see
If the whole wide world is staring straight at you
They can't see me...

what happened in 2009??

2010-03-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

Finished EMT training in Pennsylvania. Passed the National EMT test...
Drove down to Texas. Made a bunch of new friends. Learned a lot about living in Texas and Waco.
Started graduate school for engineering at Baylor. Did a lot of research on coconuts. Somehow got a 4.0 through two semesters of school. Made a lot of new friends. Learned about life at Baylor.
Spent a lot of time with homeless people in Waco - the Feast and just hanging out with people.
Toured Texas. got to see lots of Texas. Took 3 tours of Texas with my sisters and my mom. spent time in Galveston, Enchanted Rock, South Padre, Austin, San Antonio, and Dallas/Ft Worth.
Bought a kayak this summer. Spent a lot of time paddling across lakes and rivers in texas, especially at night, which is really peaceful. have some amazing memories from that.
Spent a lot of time at the youth prison near Waco, talking to the kids about Jesus. heard some crazy stories from the kids and some Jesus powerfully transform some kids. wow
went to Uganda for three weeks. Some Jesus heal and blind guy and a deaf guy. learned how to dance in worship. saw real, genuine joy there. unforgettable.
got to see London along the way. place is quirky but spiritually scary. people are so hard.
went to Sudan. loved every second of it. would move over there.... saw experienced workers and learned of their struggles... could relate to the Muslims there just as well as anywhere else...what a fantastic trip
went to Georgia and jumped out of an airplane for my friend's bachelor party. 12000 ft. falling into this sea of white clouds. oh. my. goodness. every human being should get to experience that once per lifetime, and never again.
bagged two deer in my backyard for Christmas. got about 100lbs of meat. awesome...!
pursued a girl for a few months... and it didn't work out. but it was worth it... no regrets.
got back into climbing. got pretty good again... was somehow able to flash a 5.11 right before i went home... bunches of fun... here we go spending a bunch of money on gear again.
moved into a really nice house with my roommates. near the lake, really peaceful, new house, nice deck, praise God for cleanness..
had an unforgettable series of encounters with God in May.... spend hours in the prayer room crying. encountered the raw love of God for me in a crazy way.
played the piano for my friend Charles' wedding. unforgettable wedding.. the worship and the vows.

2009-12-25T16:00:00.000-08:00

2009-12-25T15:55:00.000-08:00

2009-12-25T15:46:00.000-08:00

2009-12-25T15:40:00.000-08:00

pearl of africa - summer 09

2009-12-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

2009-05-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

Whew! One week of finals, and then I'm done. God's been doing some intense stuff in me recently. I've been realizing that a huge part of my life in the past has been centered around violence, and I'm starting to wonder why. Why I've always been so obsessed with guns or hunting, or why in high school I was always reading books about mass murderers and serial killers and capital punishment, or why I own so many guns, or why I carried around a handgun when I lived in the middle of nowhere.

Is violence a source of pride for me? Am I seeking to exercise control over others, to gain power over others, through guns? Do I take more pride in being able to defend myself more than I do in being able to love others? Do I use hunting as a way to act out my aggression and desire for control? Why have I spent thousands of dollars on guns and knives? Why do I think so often about violent acts?

As with so many other things, the problem is not with the object, but with the heart. God could care less about a piece of steel. He cares about the condition of my heart, and my ability to love others. When I came back from being overseas, I felt God tell me to sell all of my guns. I really didn't like that idea, and rejected it immediately. But it's starting to make sense now...guns are not a source of life for me, they lead me to a cold heart. A heart filled with fear, fear of others attacking me. A heart that believes the lie that God is not in control. They lead me to believe the lie that I can control others, and that I am better than others because I am carrying a powerful tool. Lame!

It's really all bad.... I felt so strongly about this that I took my revolver to the pawn shop last week and sold it.

I'm becoming free. Praise Jesus!

writing = vulnerability

2009-04-20T18:01:00.001-07:00

Gunshots around the corner. Warm breezes. Dogs barking. Always barking. Birds chirping.
Sirens. Always sirens. Baby's crying. Hispanic music and rap and somebody's using my piano...

Jesus. Selfishness everywhere. Even the Christians, hiding, very cautious, full of fear.

Young guy banging on my window at 2am. wants to talk. Should I just go through the redlight?

2am. The man under the car is folded in half. The car is upside down. I'm holding the stretcher. The jaws of life aren't working. Not big enough. They need more jacks...this is taking too long, minutes have turned into an hour, they still can't get him out, they're getting frantic now and the paramedic is crawling under the car and is sticking him with an IV in each arm. I can see a little blood and I didn't know the human body could do that and I'm still holding the stretcher...and wait, now he's coming out and the firefighters are all shouting, and he's slipping as he slides off the backboard and wait...wait....he's totally drunk...he's laughing ... he looks up at the paramedic and says 'well isn't she hot...' and I want to punch him but I strap him down and load him into the back of the ambulance and slam the door shut. after all, it's now 3am.

Jumping 14,100 ft

2009-04-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks Riley for the picture. I would highly recommend jumping out of an airplane! Once per lifetime is enough though...

2009-04-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be the same person that I was yesterday. I don't want to deal with the same personal problems, the same temptations, the same bitterness or anger over and over again tomorrow. I don't want to stuck in a cycle of selfishness and judgemental attitudes towards others. I don't want to be the same hateful, spiteful person tomorrow that I was today.

Tomorrow, I want to be different. And even more different the next day. We have all been given years and years to let God change us, piece by piece. But if we're not changing, if we're not seeing transformation, if we're still dealing with the same issues that we were dealing with two or three years ago, something might be wrong! God has fresh life for everyone - it's our own stubborness that prevents us from becoming more like Jesus.

Tomorrow, I want to be a man with more love for others. I want to love more and judge less. I want to know God more deeply than I did today. Tomorrow, I want to be humbler, simpler, and more child-like in my faith. I want to serve people more tomorrow, I want to wash more feet, and listen more. I want to more full of life, fuller of Living Water. More radiant. More full of joy.

Tomorrow, I don't want to do more things. I want to be different. I want to let God change me. I'm far from perfect, and I'm never going to change if I don't crave transformation. Tommorrow, I will decide to do things differently than the day before. To live that change that I want... And I'm gonna keep changing, every day, to be more and more like Him.

external processing

2009-03-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

how is it possible that my life ended up this busy??? I'm doing this stuff:

20 hrs of research a week
prison ministry on thursday nights
small church every tuesday night
4 classes plus homeworks
uganda water project
maintain relationships with friends
homeless ministry friday nights
relationship with my Father
bunch of little stuff

i get no exercise, no rest, no sleep...but i'm learning alot, and i'm fairly happy...

But I need to bring it back to priorities:

Number 1: relationship with God. If I don't get my time in the morning with Him, everything else is a waste of time. Everything has to revolve around this....i have to fight everyday to make sure I get my hour with Him. It's a war, and i have to win it.

Number 2: school.. need to be responsible to what God has called me to...the team I'm working with is doing amazing stuff - they seem to be the only people at Baylor that are doing anything useful, but i'm glad to be a part of it! it's a huge priviledge to work with them and learn everything that I am. however, this does mean i have to say no to my friends alot.

Number 3: the Church... being part of it in Waco, what that means.. Church is Christian friends, non-Christian friends, witnessing, outreach, sunday worship, accountability, prayer...

As long as I can keep this all in mind, i'm going to be ok!

Kyler

2009-03-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

His name was Kyler, looked spanish. I sat down next to him and started asking questions. He was 14. He knew lots of martial arts - karate and tae kwon do and some other stuff... He didn't look at me when he talked, but he was happy to talk... He has never met his dad..doesn't even know his name. He was adopted and raised by his aunt, and he didn't know he was adopted until he was 8, and that's when he started getting into trouble. He likes his aunt's husband, and would never get into trouble when he was around, but then they divorced. He started getting into a lot of trouble at 12... Now he's locked up in here, the juvie prison, for a long time. His daughter was born 2 months ago. His girl is 13. He gets real angry when guys start talking about his girl. He wants to see his daughter. He prays for her.

The first time he saw his real mom he tried to kill her. He pointed and pulled the trigger, but the handgun jammed. He cleared it, but it jammed again. He cleared it again, but it jammed a third time. Then he thought, maybe I shouldn't kill her. So he didn't kill her. His mom doesn't hold it against him. She was only mad that he has a daughter now.

Two months ago, my roommate went to the juvie prison and led Kyler into a relationship with God. And that's why I'm telling this story. There's lots of sad stories out there. But I'm telling you - this kid was changed. He wasn't what anyone would expect. He had peace. Kyler is reading through John and learning about being a Christian. Most of his fellow inmates aren't Christians, but he's chosen to be different. His life seemed over at 12, but now God is transforming and rescuing him. And that's why I follow Jesus - cause He's real to people. He changes lives. He makes all things new.

questions of late...

2009-03-16T22:17:00.000-07:00

Whoever said I could follow Jesus and my life wouldn't be changed 180 degrees?

When I wake up every morning, do I think to myself: 'I am a missionary. My goal is to love GodIsLove and to preach the gospel to my neighbors"?

When I look at you, do I stereotype you, or fear you, or envy you, or lust about you, or think about how different you are from me, or avoid you, or hate you, or want you, or judge you, or put you on a pedestal, or look with disgust, or do I see through it and look with love from GodIsLove?

Am I thinking more about my church and how they do things and what church ministries I'm involved with, or do I think more about Jesus and being obedient to His commands?

Is church my social club?

Is God good enough to entertain me?

What if following Jesus hurts?

2009-03-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Beloved,

God approves you, and loves you. He values you! His opinion of you is the only one that matters. And He sees you as His treasured possession! So get out there and live like it!

Sincerely,

real Jesus

2009-02-15T21:20:00.001-08:00

Jesus on the radio, Jesus on a late-night show
Jesus in a dream, looking all serene
Jesus on a steeple, Jesus in the Gallup poll
Jesus has His very own brand of rock and roll

Watched him on the silver screen
Bought the action figurine
But Jesus is the only name that makes you flinch

Oh, can anybody show me the real Jesus?
Oh, let Your love unveil the mystery of the real Jesus

Jesus started something new
Jesus coined a phrase or two
Jesus split the line at the turning point of time
Jesus sparked a controversy
Jesus, known for His mercy, gave a man his sight
Jesus isn't white

Jesus loves the children, holds the lambs
Jesus prays a lot
Jesus has distinguishing marks on His hands

If anybody walks behind the Good Shepherd
If anybody holds the hands that heal lepers
And if you recognize the eyes that see forever, please...

Jesus, Jesus
Oh, can anybody show me Jesus
Oh, let Your love unveil the glory, the real Jesus

Oh, can anybody show me the real Jesus?
Oh, let Your love unveil the glory of the real Jesus, the real Jesus

2008-11-24T17:24:00.001-08:00

Medic 521, 79 year old female, UTI, alpha response...

Medic 521, 21 year old male, siezures, delta response...

Medic 521, 60 year old female, general weakness, bravo response...

Medic 521, fire standy-by for station 15, brush fire...

Medic 521, 47 year old female, dificulty breathing, delta response...

Medic 610, 70 year old female, shoulder pain, alpha reponse...

Words of Life from John 7

2008-11-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

First, some not-words of life from Jesus' brothers: "No one who wants to become a public figure acts in secret. Since you are doing these things, show yourself to the world."

______________________________________________________

Jesus:

"The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that what it does is evil."

"If anyone chooses to do God's will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own."

"He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the One who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false in him."

"Stop judging by mere appearance, and make a right judgement."

"Yes, you know Me, and you know where I am from. I am not here on My own, but He who sent Me is true."

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

John 8

2008-11-10T06:01:00.001-08:00

"Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

"The One who sent me is with me; He has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases Him."

"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

"He who belongs to God hears what God says."

"I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death."

"I tell you the truth, before Abraham was born, I am!"

All words of life from John 8.

2008-10-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

idols....idols...idols...i'm in the church and i'm surrounded by idols.

This pastor? An idol?? check. instead of having to deepen my personal relationship with God on Sundays, all i have to do is listen to this guy in a suit tell me stuff i've already hear a thousand times before about his personal portrait of god.

This worship music I'm listening to? An idol?? check! Instead of having to personally engage in heart-worship of the King on a daily basis, most of the time i'm content to mentally check out and just listen to other people worship.

The Christian books i'm reading? An idol?? check! instead of spiritually engaging the Unknown God and 'reasoning together' with Him, lettting Him challenge me to my spiritual core, letting Him give me fresh perspective on life, i'll have God "use" the books i'm reading to "speak to me". nah, i don't actually expect personal interaction and revelation from my relationship with God. it's good enough for me to let other people do that messy part of waiting and listening to God. i'll just read what they write. i'll just substitute their relationship with God for my own.

Those Christian friends? idols?? check!! being a Christian means getting to hang out with people exactly like me, right? spending time with other Christians is just as good as spending time with GodIsLove. i mean - it's the same thing, getting lifeblood from other branches on the Vine as getting lifeblood from the Vine itself, right? there's certainly no problem with spending 20 minutes a day in my quiet time and 3 hours at a youth group!

so who is this God exactly? Is He the God-people? is He the sermons and CD's that have God-labels on them? is He the music that has God-lyrics? and who do I exactly have a relationship with when I talk about a relationship with God? books and songs? friends and preachers? sermons? i'm scared to even begin to compare the amount of time I spend on my little Christian idols with the time I spend actually seeking Him. and the worst of it is, I think that because these idols have Jesus-labels on them, my worship of them is the same as worshipping the Lover of my soul.

God! Did You die so we could have a relationship with a book? You died so You could spend time with me! Blow our minds about who you really are. Don't let us paint a portrait of you and then worship the painting. i don't want to stare at a replica. i wanna see the original.

i wanna see God

"Now this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent..." - Jesus

new fronts

2008-09-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

I had the strangest urge today. I had met with God - sought Him out and pursued His presence until I was sure He was with me. What a relief it was that He had come to my heart again!

Then a friend came to visit, and after he left, I suddenly felt a strange urge to vomit. I wanted to vomit up everything I knew and had experienced of modern Christianity. It was a strange sensation, and I ran upstairs to my room and laid in bed. I was cold inside. What was this? I was at the epitome of modern Christianity - full of books and music, Christian radio and teachings. Heck - I was going to be a missionary! I was going to give my life away serving God! But suddenly I wanted to throw it all out. To be free of all of it. Either I had ingested too much of a good thing, or I finally felt the effects of the poison. I wanted out. I wanted nothing to do with Modern Christianity. I felt so burdened, twisted, used and confused by it all. I wanted to walk away.

Walk away from

the Christian books,

the Christian music,

the Christian talk-shows,

the Christian radio stations,

the Christian TV channels,

the Christian political view point,

the Christian preaching,

the Christian teaching,

the Christian doctrines,

the Christian theologies,

the Christian philosophies,

the Christian liturgies,

the Christian traditions,

the Christian incense and candles and robes and wafers and wine and holy water,

the Christian Left and the Christian Right and the Christian Center,

the Christian arguments and controversies and debates and hot-topics,

the Christian factions and sects and diocese and denominations (over 9000 and counting!),

the Christian pleasantries (God bless you too!)

the Christian advice columns,

the Christian websites,

the Christian magazines,

the Christian missionaries,

the Christian organizations,

the Christian movies,

the Christian science,

the Christian contemporary music and the music videos and the CD labels and the artists and the songs and the verse and the chorus and the bridge and the chords and the lyrics,

the Christian homeschooling,

the Christian conferences,

the Christian bumper stickers,

the Christian fears and prejudices,

the Christian set of hatreds (collect all seven!),

the Christian t-shirts,

the Christian retreats,

the Christian emotionalism,

the Christian rock bands,

the Christian friends,

the Christian girls,

the Christian famous people,

the Christian megastars,

the Christian moneymakers,

the Christian charities,

the Christian crusades,

the Christian preachers and pastors and ministers and priests and bishops and popes and laymen and elders and archbishops and vicars and pontiffs and various other holy men,

the Christian Zionism.

the Christian revivals,

the Christian jargon,

the Christian board meetings and councils and leadership sessions,

the Christian boycotts,

the Christian seminaries,

the Christian colleges and universities and degrees,

the Christian cliques and clubs and inner-circles and families and cults and communes,

the Christian seminars,

the Christian crosses and bracelets and necklaces and rings and chastity belts,

the Christian modern-day prophets and motivational speakers and megachurch preachers,

the Christian culture,

the Christian Sunday morning.

the Christian Bible studies,

the Christian college ministries,

the Christian youth groups,

the Christian prayer meetings,

and the church and church worship and church services and church buildings and church preachers and church membership rolls and church bulletins and church announcements and church pews and church clothes and church sermons and church lunches and church choirs and church communions and church ladies and church bells and church organs and church steeples and stained glass windows.

Over. Done. Gone. Clean. Free.

What's left?

Me.

(& God)

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This is the view from outside my window.

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I'm on the right.

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